I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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