dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
