How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
