I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
