My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
