wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
