woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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