No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she peed on how many people?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
