Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
