Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
