She is in my trunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
