Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
