Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
