You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
