you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
