Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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