so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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