i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
