12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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