So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
