there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
