I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
