I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
