she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
