my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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