Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
