..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
