My sheets look like a crime scene.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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