Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
