First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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