puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
