He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cut my penus on the lid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
