Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
