I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
