I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
