A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
