I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
