I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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