first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
