Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you traded sex for a burrito?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
