I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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