I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sry I called you an 8
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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