So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
