I didn't shave. On purpose
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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