I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
