You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
