I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
