youre lurking in front of me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i think we sleep fucked last night...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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