i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
