she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
